Hunger of the Pines

SONDER:: n. 

the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vidid & complex as your own -- populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries & inherited craziness -- an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

I crave to know these people: to create a lengthy book out of recycled paper and fabric where I can write down each and every life story. Recently I have decided to return to UVM (after leaving my first semester). I can not wait to live in a place where I finally feel like I fit in. I want to be able to share amazing experiences with amazing people & truly live for the first time since Alyson died.

Cheers to the experiences and people that await.

Away to the Farmside

Things have been so uniform for me these past few months, so being able to do my first long distance drive up to Vermont with a distant friend was like a breath of fresh air. Escape to someplace magical and cram all the things you love like thrifting, vegan food, and fun people all in three days. Never forget to put time aside for yourself & to figure out what you need in life. Escape to someplace magical.

"The divine sees into you. Without thought, without judgement, simply with clear awareness and unknowable love. Eternity is watching you this very moment. You and it are inseparably one."

Adventures of Tofu Scrambles

Life since she passed has been, unbearable. I dream of her struggles, and the poison that led her to heaven. I feel her presence in my mind and body. I fear forgetting the memories we shared. But as much as I mourn, karma is delivering me the opportunities I need right now. I have been debating transferring for a while now to pursue a career centered around sustainability and health, and it crossed my mind to go back to vermont. At the funeral, her roommate told me she said I would go back. Some people don't believe in signs, but I can't help but believe she is helping me realize what I need to do and when.

So... in honor of savoring the last bit of the tofu in my fridge, here is a recipe for this morning's tofu scramble:

Ingredients:

warning- all measurements are estimated as I normally am experimenting

- 1/3 package firm tofu

- 1/8 cup red bell pepper (chopped)

- 1/8 cup red onion (chopped)

- 1/8 cup yellow tomato (diced)

- 1 1/2 cups baby spinach

- 1 tbsp olive oil

- 1/8 tsp curry powder

- 1/6 tsp turmeric powder 

- 1/6 tsp chili powder

For garnish: chopped chipotle pepper & dash of nutritional yeast w/ ground pepper

Instructions:

1. heat olive on in medium size pan with olive oil. chop your vegetables and add them. 
2. before your vegetables begin to sweat, drain your tofu and place the block on a plate. place a folded paper town on top and top with a heavy object. this will drain some of the water out of your tofu which prevents your tofu turning mushy in the pan. 
3. after, throw your spinach and tofu in the pan. allow to cook for a few minutes before adding in your spices.
4. top with anything your heart desires and enjoy!

The Loss of Human Connection

We all have heard constantly about the reprecutions of our reliance on technology: link to cancer, loss of human connection, obesity, depression, etc. It may be hard to admit, but we are guilty. We all enjoy that morning scroll through all our social media apps. We feel as though it is the most thorough way to contact that long lost college friend. But have we become so connected that we forget there was a time where we could be active, mindful individuals? 

Recently I was looking at Kim Kardashian's instagram of my best friend. Even after shes left, I can't help but look for any trace of her that I can. But what really pulled me under were the comments people would leave. One claimed she had no right to say "SJU '17" on her instagram because she wouldn't even live that long.. Have we seriously advanced so far as a society only to take gigantic leaps backward?

I was always that little girl who jumped to ask her mother if she had mail before she even entered the room. Any invitation, letter, or thank you card put me on top of the world. Those simple times when we didn't need to know what strangers were doing, wearing, or eating. 

I feel like it's so easy for human beings to detch themselves from one another. We all exist. We are all human beings. So put down your phone, and remember that we weren't created to live isolated from the rest of the world.

A Soul in the Sky

Saturday night, I lost my best friend.

I tried my best to prepare myself for the day I knew was approaching. She had been sick for so long and the past few months everything seemed to enter a downward spiral. But as a 19 year old, there is no way to fully accept the loss of your best friend to a devil like cancer.

Eight years I had known her and now we will no longer have a future to share together. We won't be able to travel the world in her van. We won't be able to move to California together. We won't be able to grow up into Golden Girls together.  I am still walking around in a haze. It is like a huge fog is overflowing my mind and clouding my thoughts. I so badly want to cry yet all I have experienced are small tears that dissapear as soon as they come.

The concept of death is so new to me. It was something I myself had debated for a long time before she saved me from my demons. It was something she comforted my through when my grandfather past away earlier this year. And now she is gone.

Dating Yourself

(Posted originally in a contributation to Tumble Magazine)

I have constantly been faced with the challenge of figuring out my own intentions. Sometimes we get so absorbed in pleasing others, that we forget who we even are without the pressure of our peers breathing constantly down our necks. First & foremost, we have to ask ourselves why pleasing others is even important to us. Is it so we can feel like we are part of a whole? Or because we are afraid of the possibility of being alone? When you are able to answer that, you can finally approach the possibility of pleasing yourself before all else. 

Step One: Take advantage of alone time. In the morning, wake up a half hour before your family, boil water and add a squeeze of lemon, & retreat outside to listen to the world that surrounds you. If you are accustomed to waking up halfway through the day, then find a quiet place in your home, close your eyes, & listen to your breath. I have come across countless people who are incapable of alone time; however, if we can’t be alone with ourselves, how can we be alone with others?

Step Two: Discover your likes/dislikes/hopes/dreams. You don’t want to become that person who halfway through their life, discovers that they have been living according to someone else’s expectations. Don’t join a club just because your friends are. Branch out. Do something that interests you. I can assure you that you will meet people far more similar to yourself. Once you figure out what makes your heart tick & your mind race, don’t let it go. You may be one of the lucky individuals who is able to do what they love everyday (something that has become so rare).

Step Three: Learn to let go. Teenagers (girls especially) are constantly getting absorbed in ridiculous conflicts over boys, ditched plans, or silly name calling. Ask yourself: why do you care what anyone thinks of you? If you think you are the best version of yourself that you can be, then screw the people who have a problem with you. If they call you a bitch, who cares. If a boy breaks your heart, then it just was not meant to be. Move on, brush it off your shoulder, & be the mature one in the situation.

     Above all else, learn to love yourself. Love the birthmark on your stomach, the stretch marks on your thighs, your strengths & your weaknesses. By discovering who you are and staying true to your beliefs, you will never have to waste your time with people who can’t appreciate how wonderful you are.

A Voice Among Thousands

Just a few months ago, I was approached by an increasing number of people proclaiming that I was a "hippy". Funny story being I used to think everybody in Vermont was a hippy but myself. I guess that's what happens when you begin to care about more than yourself and the little sliver of the world that surrounds you. 

I chose to go to the Climate March in New York City about 36 hours before it began. Spur of the moment on Saturday night I drove with a friend (who's apartment I stayed at) right after I got out of work to her house in Brookelyn. People I am the cruise down Vermont's one-lane highways type; I am no city driver. The next morning after visiting the cutest boutique cafe, we embarked on the world's most packed subway with our fellow climate marchers.

Simply the energy is enough to attend. Each person was able to chose a category that may have influenced their participation or how they label themselves, and then march among these peers. I however, felt like I didn't have one single reason. I was there for Sandy victims, for vegans, for Vermont, I have a solution, etc. etc. I was there to empower change and add a small voice to our ongoing revolution for climate justice. My life has changed dramatically since that day.

(Lazy Ibis: Brookelyn, NY -- best iced coffee w/ almond milk)

 (I swear we were butt-to-butt)

(March of Silence @ 12:58)

We are all connected in more ways than we know. Even if it is simply changing to a reusable water bottle, creating a compost, or walking to the store.. it's a difference that counts.

" I am the dust in the sunlight, I am the ball of the sun. I am the mist of morning, the breath of evening. I am the spark in the stone, the gleam of gold in the metal, the rose and the nightingale drunk with its fragrance. I am the chain of being. "

education or experience?

Can you imagine being a woman in a time period where education was not an option? Times have changed. Our society has changed. Yet now, American culture requires an individual to receive a college education in order to qualify for a job. It has even gone beyond that requesting an applicant have "experience". To be honest I think it's horse-shit. 

Throughout high school, I longingly anticipated the day when I was able to decorate a dorm room, say peace out to my parents, and meet awesome people just like me. I tried this for a bit too. Last year, I was all set at the University of Vermont, a college that I thought I would never want to leave. But something happened and it didn't end up working out. I was past the partying, past the disgusting dining hall food, and past the hook up culture of my generation. I transfered to Monmouth University (a college 20 mins. from my house) in the winter of 2013 and have been there since, working & commuting. 

There have been several instances where I have wanted to drop it all and run. 

Our society has created such high expectations for young adults regarding their education, yet they can't seem to trust us with anything else. We are hardly even seen as adults at 18 and are frowned upon for even drinking a glass of wine before 21. How is it that we can't have a sip of wine, but we can plan our whole life and career out before reaching our twenties? In my opinion, travel should be encouraged. We should all know what it is like to be poor, to be lonely, to be independent, and we should all know what it is like to work our asses off for minimum wage. 

How can a person live in the real world, when they don't even know what the real world consists of?

so long summer

The time has come to say goodbye to expensive beach passes & bennies, and take advantage of the quiet lull our towns face after all the kids head back to college. In between my endless work schedule this summer I managed to get a few amazing days. To all the laughs, the trips to the city, and outdoor concerts, you will be greatly missed.

(jacket: vintage)

 (top: unknown, bottoms: urban outfitters, sweater: urban outfitters, shoes: vans, choker: northern dash)

(dress: urban outfitters, vest: buffalo exchange, sunglasses: vintage, bag: vintage, sandals: vegan birkenstocks)

(Back To Human -- 'restaurant' in NYC)

(top: brandy melville, pants: billabong, bag: urban outfitters)

(top: urban outfitters, kimono: unknown, shorts: urban outfitters, sunglasses: vintage, sandals: vegan birkenstocks)

(Flora Farms Restaurant -- Mexico)

Next post will be my fall essentials & inspiration so stay tuned! 

Blueberrie Pie Smoothie

Some people say 'fruit makes you fat'. Or some people say 'hi I'll have a 5 banana smoothie'. Personally, I'll choose the second and take my chances. Ever since I began improving my vegan diet to consist of mainly nature-based foods, fruit smoothies became a staple breakfast. This one particularly was thought of in roughly two minutes.

Vegan Blueberry Pie Smoothie 

serves: one

Ingredients:

~ 1 frozen banana, 1 unfrozen ripe banana (please do not eat green or bright yellow bananas)

~ 1 cup frozen blueberries (freezing them increases their nutritional content!)

~ 1/2-1 tsp blackstrap molasses (great for stabilizing iron deficiencies)

~ 1.5 cups coconut water (try buying from a brand such as Harvest Bay as other brands tend to pasteurize the thedrink which ultimately strips it of its nutrients)

~ 3 medjool dates

~ dash of: cinnamon, nutmeg, & allspice

~ 1 tsp of diatomaceous earth

Enjoy the rest of this beautiful day!

We're All Mad Here

If you’re living in the Western Hemisphere like me, then you are reaching the end of long summer nights, the heat of a blazing sun, and the freedom of a full day ahead. This month is the perfect time to take advantage of the weather and bring together your friends for a chance to create beautiful food and enjoy each other’s company. When I say throw a garden party—- I am referring to a fairy tale version of Alice’s tea party. Make it a wonderland.


Decor:

Garden Parties entail fresh cut flowers, lace tableclothes, fabric napkins, and twinkling lights. Primarily, set up a table in the grass (personally I would go for a floor table so everyone could sit on cushions), or a wooden table with wooden chairs. Choose a simple tablecloth free of bright colors and patterns. You could even create your own by sewing together different lace fabric pieces.

Next line the table with porcelain plates (mixing and matching looks great). As opposed to your ordinary paper napkin, choose a subtle cloth napkin. Not only is it classier, but you will also be benefiting the environment by using less paper. Place the utensils in the cloth and then wrap a piece of twine around.

It is always fun to create a seating chart & even more entertaining creating name place cards! I advise purchasing tiny succulent plants and placing a name card in each one. It will act as a gift to take home, as well as tie together the garden theme.

For center pieces I would put multiple vases and fill them with flowers such as hydrangeas. Play around and place crystals, pinecones, or any other earthy material in the center as well in order to accent the flowers. Lastly, do not neglect to decorate the surrounding areas! Wrap your trees in christmas lights, hang flowers on string, wrap the chairs in floral fabric, place tea candles and sand in mason jars, be creative!



Food:

Beverages~ The night before, cut up fresh fruit and place it in a pitcher with water & maybe some tonic water to create your own infused water! Try not to bring labeled soda cans or bottles to the table, but instead keep everything natural and fresh.

Meal Plan~ *try to think of light, natural foods* the following are all free of dairy products and meat.

     +APPS: platter of fresh veggies & homemade hummus, a large salad with spinach/apples/walnuts/tomatoes & a strawberry balsamic, gazpacho, maple roasted carrots

     +ENTREES: cauliflower rice with a vegetable stir-fry, corn (or spiralized zucchini) pasta with fresh tomato sauce/sauteed spinach/zucchini, marinated portobello burger with russian dressing & homemade french fries

     +DESSERT: coconut milk/fruit/chia popsicles, peanut butter cups, chocolate mousse with rasberry compote, watermelon cake



Playlist:

dreams of cannibalism- typhoon
open road- roo panes
difference maker- needtobreathe
please forgive my heart -bahamas
hide- little may
1904- the tallest man on earth
go mama go-michael bernard fitzgerald
I will wait for you- Lowing

Enjoy the planning, the creativity, and the amazing memories you will be making! Be sure to tell me all about your beautiful creations my loves.

this land is both yours & mine

"When I say I want to travel, I don't mean I want to stay at resorts & go on tours with tour guides or buy keychains from souvenir shops. I don't want to be a tourist. When I say I want to travel, I mean I want to explore another country & become part of it. I want to discover small coffee shops in Germany, Italy, & France. I want to walk on beaches in Australia & browse the book stores of England. I want to hike the Great Wall of China & go cliff diving in Hawaii. I want to meet people who are not like me, but who I can like all the same. I want to take pictures of things & places & the people I meet. I want my mind to be in constant awe of life on earth. I want to see things with new eyes. I want to look at a map & be able to remember how I was transformed by the places I've been to, the things I've seen, & the people I've met. I want to come home & realize that I have not come home whole, but have left a piece of my heart in each place I've been. This I think is what is at the heart of adventure & this is why I plan on making my life one."

Why can't this be my life? Why does the process of life and the progression of age have to be so cut & dry? Preschool, Kindergarten, Elementary School, Middle School, High School, first jobs, College, Career, death. Why is it that taking a spur of the moment road trip is not an option? Why can't all my money go toward taking a few trips to life altering destinations? The reason I chose to study journalism (as well as nutrition), was to be able to write what I see, and what most can't see. People all the way in Thailand, Pakistan, and Sweden should know what it is like to walk down the trails in Central Park (New York) in the midst of fall, or explore the quirky stores of New Hope, Pennsylvania. They should be able to feel the snowflakes resting on their eyelashes as a blizzard creeps through the desolate Vermont mountain tops. 

It is important to know what this world looks like and experience a sense of adventure while we are still on this earth. Together.  

Now or Never

I've had a thought. More of a realization. I am a total freaking dreamer. When I was just a tween, hiding behind under-eyeliner, I dreamt of the eiffel tower & ivy grown cottages in the hills. After abandoning my skinny jeans for sweats, sweats, and more sweats, it was simply to escape my small town. After reading Eat, Pray, Love, it was Bali (that dream has not faded). But now I am focusing on realistics, or trying to. On vacation I befriended/fell in love with a family from Santa Barbara who mentioned it only takes approximately a year to get residency in California. There was a lump in my throat and a sudden pulse in my heart. I kind of knew California would make an appearance somewhere in my future, but this sudden knowledge, right when I am on the verge of another transfer-- I just knew.

I plan to see it all: the large expanses of desert sand and cluttered cacti, national parks filled with trees of every species and the cleanest air you could find.

Listening to Angus & Julia Stone's new album, burning incense, and contemplating new adventures.

Travel is an experience that books just can not offer.

Viva la Vida Loca

Growing up exploring the local markets of Jamaica, the native sea creatures of Cozamel, and the true Mexican cuisine of Cabo, I never truly understood how blessed I was. After a long week and a whole Sunday comprised of baggage claims, customs, and immigration, I am finally back in New Jersey curled up with my puppies. The following is a compilation of photos taken on my trip to Los Cabos.

(outfit:: dress FreePeople, sandals Birkenstocks)

Sometimes a quick escape is the perfect solution after your days begin to float past you. Thats when abandoning your phone and watch are the only way to truly be present. Although this was a family trip, we were able to uncover the local secrets such as taking the rundown bus with all the locals that only costed 1$ (as opposed to a 20$ taxi). The highlight of the trip, in my opinion, was an organic 'farm to table' restaurant known as Flora Farms. All the food that ended up on your plate including the walnut olive bread and fresh seasonal salad, are comprised of vegetables and fruits currently growing feet away. They served citrus sangria in mason jars. A band of local boys called Los Shamanes played classic rock tunes that left me speechless trying to take in my surroundings.

As we get older, we are able to appreciate these types of experiences more and more. I can only conclude that this trip, and all the beautiful souls I was able to meet, left me in earnest anticipation for all the exciting things yet to come.

live free or die trying

There always seems to be a part of me that can not leave behind the constant scrutiny of my own criticism. After reading almost half of the spiritual novel The Power of Now (I kind of gave up), I realized I am a prisoner and my thoughts are the police. Not only am I being held down, but there is no escape. But according to the author, there is. My interpretation of living freely does not necessarily coincide with Eckhart Tolle's. Instead, I believe living freely comes after one abandons all judgement. When an individual can live in the moment without thinking of their plans days from now. When we can appreciate the small things in life.

To live freely is to ~ not judge those who do not meet the 'cultural norm'. take your time creating a beautiful meal. not to think about anytime but the present. dress for yourself. take risks. appreciate the grass under your toes, the sun on your face, and the trees keeping you cool.

All you have is this very moment.

hats off to ya'

(outfit on the right:: shorts urbanoutfitters, shirt unknown, kimono borrowed, fringe bag urbanoutfitters, hat urbanoutfitters, sunglasses vintage)

As I have grown older, my style has increasingly simplified from far-out patterns to plain t-shirts and small details. Instead of opting for your classic aztec pattern that can not seem to be repeated without public scrutiny, there is more appreciation for accessories that can give an outfit a bit of a twist. Hats have never been out of style; however, now there are men and women who strive to design hats that truly accentuate their customers style. They are affordable, provide protection from the sun (just a bonus), and can immediately make a simple outfit more chic.

My advice: hats should definitely be tried on prior to purchasing. Some hats will work better than others for your facial features..

If you are looking for a cheap hat to purchase try asos, Urban Outfitters, but I strongly suggest thrift stores!