Away to the Farmside

Things have been so uniform for me these past few months, so being able to do my first long distance drive up to Vermont with a distant friend was like a breath of fresh air. Escape to someplace magical and cram all the things you love like thrifting, vegan food, and fun people all in three days. Never forget to put time aside for yourself & to figure out what you need in life. Escape to someplace magical.

"The divine sees into you. Without thought, without judgement, simply with clear awareness and unknowable love. Eternity is watching you this very moment. You and it are inseparably one."

Adventures of Tofu Scrambles

Life since she passed has been, unbearable. I dream of her struggles, and the poison that led her to heaven. I feel her presence in my mind and body. I fear forgetting the memories we shared. But as much as I mourn, karma is delivering me the opportunities I need right now. I have been debating transferring for a while now to pursue a career centered around sustainability and health, and it crossed my mind to go back to vermont. At the funeral, her roommate told me she said I would go back. Some people don't believe in signs, but I can't help but believe she is helping me realize what I need to do and when.

So... in honor of savoring the last bit of the tofu in my fridge, here is a recipe for this morning's tofu scramble:

Ingredients:

warning- all measurements are estimated as I normally am experimenting

- 1/3 package firm tofu

- 1/8 cup red bell pepper (chopped)

- 1/8 cup red onion (chopped)

- 1/8 cup yellow tomato (diced)

- 1 1/2 cups baby spinach

- 1 tbsp olive oil

- 1/8 tsp curry powder

- 1/6 tsp turmeric powder 

- 1/6 tsp chili powder

For garnish: chopped chipotle pepper & dash of nutritional yeast w/ ground pepper

Instructions:

1. heat olive on in medium size pan with olive oil. chop your vegetables and add them. 
2. before your vegetables begin to sweat, drain your tofu and place the block on a plate. place a folded paper town on top and top with a heavy object. this will drain some of the water out of your tofu which prevents your tofu turning mushy in the pan. 
3. after, throw your spinach and tofu in the pan. allow to cook for a few minutes before adding in your spices.
4. top with anything your heart desires and enjoy!

A Soul in the Sky

Saturday night, I lost my best friend.

I tried my best to prepare myself for the day I knew was approaching. She had been sick for so long and the past few months everything seemed to enter a downward spiral. But as a 19 year old, there is no way to fully accept the loss of your best friend to a devil like cancer.

Eight years I had known her and now we will no longer have a future to share together. We won't be able to travel the world in her van. We won't be able to move to California together. We won't be able to grow up into Golden Girls together.  I am still walking around in a haze. It is like a huge fog is overflowing my mind and clouding my thoughts. I so badly want to cry yet all I have experienced are small tears that dissapear as soon as they come.

The concept of death is so new to me. It was something I myself had debated for a long time before she saved me from my demons. It was something she comforted my through when my grandfather past away earlier this year. And now she is gone.

Dating Yourself

(Posted originally in a contributation to Tumble Magazine)

I have constantly been faced with the challenge of figuring out my own intentions. Sometimes we get so absorbed in pleasing others, that we forget who we even are without the pressure of our peers breathing constantly down our necks. First & foremost, we have to ask ourselves why pleasing others is even important to us. Is it so we can feel like we are part of a whole? Or because we are afraid of the possibility of being alone? When you are able to answer that, you can finally approach the possibility of pleasing yourself before all else. 

Step One: Take advantage of alone time. In the morning, wake up a half hour before your family, boil water and add a squeeze of lemon, & retreat outside to listen to the world that surrounds you. If you are accustomed to waking up halfway through the day, then find a quiet place in your home, close your eyes, & listen to your breath. I have come across countless people who are incapable of alone time; however, if we can’t be alone with ourselves, how can we be alone with others?

Step Two: Discover your likes/dislikes/hopes/dreams. You don’t want to become that person who halfway through their life, discovers that they have been living according to someone else’s expectations. Don’t join a club just because your friends are. Branch out. Do something that interests you. I can assure you that you will meet people far more similar to yourself. Once you figure out what makes your heart tick & your mind race, don’t let it go. You may be one of the lucky individuals who is able to do what they love everyday (something that has become so rare).

Step Three: Learn to let go. Teenagers (girls especially) are constantly getting absorbed in ridiculous conflicts over boys, ditched plans, or silly name calling. Ask yourself: why do you care what anyone thinks of you? If you think you are the best version of yourself that you can be, then screw the people who have a problem with you. If they call you a bitch, who cares. If a boy breaks your heart, then it just was not meant to be. Move on, brush it off your shoulder, & be the mature one in the situation.

     Above all else, learn to love yourself. Love the birthmark on your stomach, the stretch marks on your thighs, your strengths & your weaknesses. By discovering who you are and staying true to your beliefs, you will never have to waste your time with people who can’t appreciate how wonderful you are.

education or experience?

Can you imagine being a woman in a time period where education was not an option? Times have changed. Our society has changed. Yet now, American culture requires an individual to receive a college education in order to qualify for a job. It has even gone beyond that requesting an applicant have "experience". To be honest I think it's horse-shit. 

Throughout high school, I longingly anticipated the day when I was able to decorate a dorm room, say peace out to my parents, and meet awesome people just like me. I tried this for a bit too. Last year, I was all set at the University of Vermont, a college that I thought I would never want to leave. But something happened and it didn't end up working out. I was past the partying, past the disgusting dining hall food, and past the hook up culture of my generation. I transfered to Monmouth University (a college 20 mins. from my house) in the winter of 2013 and have been there since, working & commuting. 

There have been several instances where I have wanted to drop it all and run. 

Our society has created such high expectations for young adults regarding their education, yet they can't seem to trust us with anything else. We are hardly even seen as adults at 18 and are frowned upon for even drinking a glass of wine before 21. How is it that we can't have a sip of wine, but we can plan our whole life and career out before reaching our twenties? In my opinion, travel should be encouraged. We should all know what it is like to be poor, to be lonely, to be independent, and we should all know what it is like to work our asses off for minimum wage. 

How can a person live in the real world, when they don't even know what the real world consists of?