A Soul in the Sky

Saturday night, I lost my best friend.

I tried my best to prepare myself for the day I knew was approaching. She had been sick for so long and the past few months everything seemed to enter a downward spiral. But as a 19 year old, there is no way to fully accept the loss of your best friend to a devil like cancer.

Eight years I had known her and now we will no longer have a future to share together. We won't be able to travel the world in her van. We won't be able to move to California together. We won't be able to grow up into Golden Girls together.  I am still walking around in a haze. It is like a huge fog is overflowing my mind and clouding my thoughts. I so badly want to cry yet all I have experienced are small tears that dissapear as soon as they come.

The concept of death is so new to me. It was something I myself had debated for a long time before she saved me from my demons. It was something she comforted my through when my grandfather past away earlier this year. And now she is gone.

education or experience?

Can you imagine being a woman in a time period where education was not an option? Times have changed. Our society has changed. Yet now, American culture requires an individual to receive a college education in order to qualify for a job. It has even gone beyond that requesting an applicant have "experience". To be honest I think it's horse-shit. 

Throughout high school, I longingly anticipated the day when I was able to decorate a dorm room, say peace out to my parents, and meet awesome people just like me. I tried this for a bit too. Last year, I was all set at the University of Vermont, a college that I thought I would never want to leave. But something happened and it didn't end up working out. I was past the partying, past the disgusting dining hall food, and past the hook up culture of my generation. I transfered to Monmouth University (a college 20 mins. from my house) in the winter of 2013 and have been there since, working & commuting. 

There have been several instances where I have wanted to drop it all and run. 

Our society has created such high expectations for young adults regarding their education, yet they can't seem to trust us with anything else. We are hardly even seen as adults at 18 and are frowned upon for even drinking a glass of wine before 21. How is it that we can't have a sip of wine, but we can plan our whole life and career out before reaching our twenties? In my opinion, travel should be encouraged. We should all know what it is like to be poor, to be lonely, to be independent, and we should all know what it is like to work our asses off for minimum wage. 

How can a person live in the real world, when they don't even know what the real world consists of?

this land is both yours & mine

"When I say I want to travel, I don't mean I want to stay at resorts & go on tours with tour guides or buy keychains from souvenir shops. I don't want to be a tourist. When I say I want to travel, I mean I want to explore another country & become part of it. I want to discover small coffee shops in Germany, Italy, & France. I want to walk on beaches in Australia & browse the book stores of England. I want to hike the Great Wall of China & go cliff diving in Hawaii. I want to meet people who are not like me, but who I can like all the same. I want to take pictures of things & places & the people I meet. I want my mind to be in constant awe of life on earth. I want to see things with new eyes. I want to look at a map & be able to remember how I was transformed by the places I've been to, the things I've seen, & the people I've met. I want to come home & realize that I have not come home whole, but have left a piece of my heart in each place I've been. This I think is what is at the heart of adventure & this is why I plan on making my life one."

Why can't this be my life? Why does the process of life and the progression of age have to be so cut & dry? Preschool, Kindergarten, Elementary School, Middle School, High School, first jobs, College, Career, death. Why is it that taking a spur of the moment road trip is not an option? Why can't all my money go toward taking a few trips to life altering destinations? The reason I chose to study journalism (as well as nutrition), was to be able to write what I see, and what most can't see. People all the way in Thailand, Pakistan, and Sweden should know what it is like to walk down the trails in Central Park (New York) in the midst of fall, or explore the quirky stores of New Hope, Pennsylvania. They should be able to feel the snowflakes resting on their eyelashes as a blizzard creeps through the desolate Vermont mountain tops. 

It is important to know what this world looks like and experience a sense of adventure while we are still on this earth. Together.  

Now or Never

I've had a thought. More of a realization. I am a total freaking dreamer. When I was just a tween, hiding behind under-eyeliner, I dreamt of the eiffel tower & ivy grown cottages in the hills. After abandoning my skinny jeans for sweats, sweats, and more sweats, it was simply to escape my small town. After reading Eat, Pray, Love, it was Bali (that dream has not faded). But now I am focusing on realistics, or trying to. On vacation I befriended/fell in love with a family from Santa Barbara who mentioned it only takes approximately a year to get residency in California. There was a lump in my throat and a sudden pulse in my heart. I kind of knew California would make an appearance somewhere in my future, but this sudden knowledge, right when I am on the verge of another transfer-- I just knew.

I plan to see it all: the large expanses of desert sand and cluttered cacti, national parks filled with trees of every species and the cleanest air you could find.

Listening to Angus & Julia Stone's new album, burning incense, and contemplating new adventures.

Travel is an experience that books just can not offer.

live free or die trying

There always seems to be a part of me that can not leave behind the constant scrutiny of my own criticism. After reading almost half of the spiritual novel The Power of Now (I kind of gave up), I realized I am a prisoner and my thoughts are the police. Not only am I being held down, but there is no escape. But according to the author, there is. My interpretation of living freely does not necessarily coincide with Eckhart Tolle's. Instead, I believe living freely comes after one abandons all judgement. When an individual can live in the moment without thinking of their plans days from now. When we can appreciate the small things in life.

To live freely is to ~ not judge those who do not meet the 'cultural norm'. take your time creating a beautiful meal. not to think about anytime but the present. dress for yourself. take risks. appreciate the grass under your toes, the sun on your face, and the trees keeping you cool.

All you have is this very moment.