Dating Yourself

(Posted originally in a contributation to Tumble Magazine)

I have constantly been faced with the challenge of figuring out my own intentions. Sometimes we get so absorbed in pleasing others, that we forget who we even are without the pressure of our peers breathing constantly down our necks. First & foremost, we have to ask ourselves why pleasing others is even important to us. Is it so we can feel like we are part of a whole? Or because we are afraid of the possibility of being alone? When you are able to answer that, you can finally approach the possibility of pleasing yourself before all else. 

Step One: Take advantage of alone time. In the morning, wake up a half hour before your family, boil water and add a squeeze of lemon, & retreat outside to listen to the world that surrounds you. If you are accustomed to waking up halfway through the day, then find a quiet place in your home, close your eyes, & listen to your breath. I have come across countless people who are incapable of alone time; however, if we can’t be alone with ourselves, how can we be alone with others?

Step Two: Discover your likes/dislikes/hopes/dreams. You don’t want to become that person who halfway through their life, discovers that they have been living according to someone else’s expectations. Don’t join a club just because your friends are. Branch out. Do something that interests you. I can assure you that you will meet people far more similar to yourself. Once you figure out what makes your heart tick & your mind race, don’t let it go. You may be one of the lucky individuals who is able to do what they love everyday (something that has become so rare).

Step Three: Learn to let go. Teenagers (girls especially) are constantly getting absorbed in ridiculous conflicts over boys, ditched plans, or silly name calling. Ask yourself: why do you care what anyone thinks of you? If you think you are the best version of yourself that you can be, then screw the people who have a problem with you. If they call you a bitch, who cares. If a boy breaks your heart, then it just was not meant to be. Move on, brush it off your shoulder, & be the mature one in the situation.

     Above all else, learn to love yourself. Love the birthmark on your stomach, the stretch marks on your thighs, your strengths & your weaknesses. By discovering who you are and staying true to your beliefs, you will never have to waste your time with people who can’t appreciate how wonderful you are.